i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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