I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
