One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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