As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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