Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Enjoy the penises
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
