I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The Olympian is in my bed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
