The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
