Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
