If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
