All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
