mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
