One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
