you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
