Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
