why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
