I didn't shave. On purpose
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
