You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
