If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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