Sober January is a disaster.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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