woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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