I will die if light touches me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
