THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
