I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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