Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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