dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
