you traded sex for a burrito?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
