If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
