Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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