I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
