Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
