you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
