Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
