Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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