weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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