i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
