Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My feet surprised me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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