I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
