I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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