bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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