i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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