hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
