Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
