if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
