We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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