he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
