I can't breathe out the right side of my face
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
