hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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