he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
