Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
