Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
its liver damage thursday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
