It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just forgot I was standing up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
