I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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